


Voice of my reason, reason of my emotions

by Nakigaharas



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: M/M, just some nice fluff okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-12
Updated: 2019-06-12
Packaged: 2020-05-01 19:03:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19183822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nakigaharas/pseuds/Nakigaharas
Summary: "Estinien was Aymeric’s pillar of strength. He was the one who wouldn’t let him falter, who wouldn’t let him crumble; who would always be by his side."





	Voice of my reason, reason of my emotions

Ishgard was safe. After years of war with the dragon kin, thanks to the Warrior of Light Ishgard now was at peace with itself, albeit there was still a lot of things to be changed amidst its citizens. A reform was in order, after the truth coming to light. But naturally, not everyone would accept it so easily. 

Yet, as Ishgard wasn’t built in a day, the ideals of the people who there lived would take a while to be transformed so the new ones could be accepted. That was something Aymeric would put all his effort into to make it happen, for he swore an oath to protect the peace the Warrior of Light aided to conquer. And he wasn’t alone on that task.

Estinien was there, too, not necessarily as the Azure Dragoon anymore, but at the man he needed the most for being who he was, lying on his side by the bed as both of them were adrift in a smooth slumber. 

As much as Aymeric focused on the future to create a better one, there were a few things left in the past in which he couldn’t exactly make amends. Himself, in fact. The Aymeric from now couldn’t forgive the Aymeric from the past for certain mistakes, for certain misconceptions. And they were the very reason the Lord Commander would wake up at night, covered in a layer of sweat with his heart beating desperately in his chest; memories insisted to prey on him during his sleep, tormenting his mind.

The dragoon had a light sleep, so such events were not going unnoticed by him. But whenever Estinien would ask him about it, Aymeric would always dismiss the question and tell him not to worry, and for a few occasions the dragoon compiled for not wanting to pry. But now it had gone too far and he would not let such a matter slide anymore.

Estinien pulled Aymeric close under the covers, a tad half-asleep, drowsy, with his lips touching softly the lobe of the other’s ear.

“When do you intend to tell me what troubles you, Lord Commander?” There was only two occasions Estinien would address Aymeric as such; in public, or when his patient had gone thin, but he held Aymeric too highly to be the least impolite as he could be with him. “I will not let you tell me off this time.”

Truth was, Estinien was more than acquainted with the fact that Aymeric was a very busy and kind man on top of it. And he knew him well enough to tell the other had the very habit to bottle up everything that disturbed him, afraid of burdening others with his problems. But Estinien wanted him to. What they had was far more than a case of servantry or friendship. It went far beyond that. Or else they wouldn’t be both bare under the fur covers that protected their bodies from the ever assaulting cold.

“Estinien…” Aymeric sighed, not knowing how to proceed. As the other had guessed, the Lord Commander was undoubtedly keeping everything to himself, but it was still a little difficult to share what troubled him. It had to do with Estinien himself, after all. At least a part of it did.

Estinien sighed impatiently and shifted on the mattress, supporting himself on his elbow and side as he towered over Aymeric, meeting his gaze. His white and silky hair formed a smooth curtain on the sides of his face.

“Tell me.”

“I don't even know from where I should begin…” Aymeric’s blue eyes looked so troubled. It upset Estinien for letting it get to this point.

“I am not concerned about the chronological line of the events.”

“...” Aymeric took a deep breath, finding difficult to hold Estinien’s gaze. “There are things I cannot yet forgive myself for. Many things, in fact, but two in particular make my heart heavier still.” 

Estinien didn’t interrupt, not his expression shifted. He simply awaited the other to continue.

“... I do not know if you recall the day of the ceremony in Falcon’s Nest, since your body was under Nidhogg’s influence.” Aymeric said and his voice was quiet. “You… No, he tried to jeopardize it, the symbol of our treatment of peace with the dragons and I… I was so furious and desperate to prevent it, that I did not think twice when I shot an arrow towards you. Which I was thankful not to have hit you, but… I still did it. Without an ounce of hesitation. Even though your body was being controlled, I do not know what I would have done if Nidhogg had left your body for that moment and I had pierced you. I know it had to be done but—”

Estinien, who was listening carefully without pronouncing himself, placed his thumb on Aymeric’s lips, gently quieting him whilst his eyes didn’t avert from his.

“I’ve heard enough.” His tone was calm, and his equal blue eyes looked at his Lord Commander with a kindness exclusive to be displayed only towards him. “I am not quite certain of what worries you on that matter. But if your concern lies on your own behavior, I see no reason in that. You were acting by your duty to protect Ishgard and her people. You did what was expected from you, and in fact, I am rather proud of you for it.” Estinien’s thumb now distractedly stroked Aymeric’s cheek. “I would never desire the opposite, even if that had been my own doing.” Aymeric deep inside knew that. He knew his worries came from his deep emotions and not reason, but the latter has always been easier to push aside than the former. 

“Now, if your concern lies on me and on the fact you could have killed me… I find rather disappointing that you would think I am so fragile as to succumb to a single arrow. Especially when archery has never been your forte.” A smirk crossed Estinien’s lips, and his statement made Aymeric smile a bit in amusement. 

“Maybe I was overestimating myself.” Aymeric jested. Estinien let out an airy sound in faint mirth.

“Yet, as I said, I would never resent you for doing as your duty dictates. As you have never resented me for doing the same. That’s a foolish thing to do.”

“I know you are right. You are always the voice of reason when mine falters.” Aymeric reached out to tuck the pale strands of Estinien’s locks behind his ear whilst he gazed at him.

“You are too kind for your own good, too empathetic.” Estinien said. “It is beyond me to reprehend you for the very thing that always drew me to you, however… in your position you are aware such trait is more of a curse than a bliss.”

“I am. But I cannot regret having it if it is what drew you to me.” Aymeric had an enchanting smile on his lips upon saying those words, and they caught Estinien off guard.

The Azure Dragoon’s face acquired a bit of blush, and he wasn’t much fond of that tingling sensation. 

“It seems like you have returned to your true self.” He said with a slight annoyed expression. It made Aymeric chuckle. 

“You make it sound like it is a terrible thing.” 

“I suppose I have a preference for the moments you look the most fragile, since I am the only one to ever witness said moments.”

“I see.” Aymeric replied thoughtfully. “Well, there are other moments I would say I might look fragile and that you are also the only one to witness.”

Estinien easily caught on the hint. Naturally. 

“Are you requesting me to put you to sleep, Lord Commander?” That was the third case of Estinien addressing him in such a manner. Teasing.

“Why, perhaps less ‘sleep’ and more of the former thing you mentioned.” Aymeric responded. Estinien laughed. 

He lowered himself as he positioned his body atop of Aymeric, with his face much closer to his as the tip of their noses brushed against each other’s.

“If you say it, I might.” Estinien murmured huskily, meeting his gaze.

“Say what? That I want you to make love with me?”

Not exactly in those words, Estinien thought. But it would do.

“Say you want me to put in you.” Estinien muttered with a slight crooked smile, making Aymeric laugh in slight embarrassment. 

“Can we leave those depravities aside, for now? I want you to make love with me. For I love you and you love me… and I want this to be consumed.” Such a heartfelt statement made Estinien smile a little bit.

“I suppose, in the end, you know I shall always do as you request of me, don’t you?”

Aymeric lips widened then, and Estinien left no time or space space for him reply as he lips already claimed his in a deep and passionate kiss, one that would always make the Lord Commander run out of air, and he loved every second of it.

There were many reasons why Aymeric loved Estinien and the opposite was also true. They just had a hard time admitting it with words, but gestures would always speak much louder than those, in any circumstances. 

Estinien taught Aymeric to find reason when his emotions prevailed, and Aymeric had awakened emotions within him that Estinien did not even know they existed, let alone that they could be voiced and expressed in such a manner. 

Estinien was Aymeric’s pillar of strength. He was the one who wouldn’t let him falter, who wouldn’t let him crumble; who would always be by his side.

At long last they could construct a future for both of them that now they could be proud of. 

At long last.

**Author's Note:**

> This is nothing but a little self-indulgent thing that I wrote long ago and found that maybe some people would also be interested in reading it! They're my favorite pairing from FFXIV, after all, and I love them immensely (and miss HW as greatly lol)
> 
> In any case, I hope that you guys find it enjoyable to read & thank you very much if you do! <3


End file.
